I go to the University of Washington, Seattle.
This is just a ton of stuff I like.
Recently, Paula Deen has admitted that she’s had Type II Diabetes for years. Accordingly, she’s putting out a cookbook of healthy food. Here are some excerpts!
1 lb. bag of Skittles
3 cups ranch dressing
Mix well. Serve room temperature.
PAULA’S BROWN RICE
1 pilaf white rice
1 bowl melted Junior Mints
Cover rice in chocolate. Serve with maple syrup to taste. To splurge, top with a sprinkle of sausage calzones.
SCRAMBLED EGG WHITES
1 dozen (12) Cadbury eggs
2 lbs. Frito crumbs
1 package extra-fat pork lard
1 pilaf Paula’s brown rice
Break the Cadbury eggs and harvest the crème-filled white centers. Dip them in the Frito crumbs. Put the lard (make SURE to get the extra-fat kind or it will be BLAND) in a frying pan on high heat, and fry the crème centers until golden-brown. Serve on a bed of Paula’s brown rice.
PAULA’S GARDEN BURGER
3 bags Olive Garden® Endless Breadsticks
12 Olive Garden® Stuffed Mushrooms
1 plate Olive Garden® New! Baked Pasta Romana with Chicken
4 Olive Garden® Black Tie Mousse Cakes
1 slice American cheese (optional)
Smash all of the Olive Garden® foods together until they resemble a large patty and top with cheese. For lowest calories, hold the cheese.
PAULA’S GUILT-FREE FAT-FREE® SMOOTHIE
34 lbs. sugar
Put sugar in smoothie glass and drink with straw, serve chilled in white wine tumblers or, for special occasions, lap from trough. This delicacy is guilt-free since you can make a conscious choice not to feel guilty about anything you put in your body like Paula does!
BUFFET AND A BURGER
1 Las Vegas buffet
Christmas-themed elastic pants (optional)
Go to Las Vegas buffet. Make sure the buffet has burgers, or provide your own. Do NOT walk around the buffet. Get a motorized scooter, or stay in one spot and use a jaws of life to pick some of each buffet food out of the tubs and put it on your burger. Elastic pants are nice because your gupa (gunt-fupa) stays nicely inside the stretchy pants except for a few folds of fat with stretch marks that seep out of the pants.
PAULA’S GUILT-FREE® PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLIES
18 sticks of butter, mashed
1 pair Jellies shoes
Cover the shoes with butter and top with the peanut, and then eat the shoes. If you eat shoes it’s like you’re exercising so it’s VERY healthy.
PAULA’S GUILT-FREE® PIZZA PANTS
10’x20’ swath of pizza
Another pizza to use as pepperonis on the pizza
FYI the mushrooms are stuffed with smaller pizzas
Smuckers magic shell ice cream topping
3 bags gummy bears
Caesar salad dressing
Wood chips (as a thickener)
1 sewing machine
1 sewing pattern for pants (size XXXL)
Mushrooms are a vegetable and there are definitely some mushrooms on that pizza so technically they are HEALTHY-style pizza pants. Take the really big pizza. Put all of the other ingredients on the pizza. Pour the coke on the pizza. Dip the pizza in the fondue, and resist eating it before you make it into pants, no cheating!!! Sew that pizza into pants using the machine and the pattern. Make sure to sew in some pockets so you can keep a few extra spare Pizza Pockets in your pizza pockets!!!! Then eat your pants!!!!!!!!!!!
PAULA’S GUILT-FREE® TURTURTURDUCKDUCKENDUCKEN
Stuff a turducken in a turducken in a turducken. While you’re waiting for it to cook, make your fat niece make you some pizza pants while you’re watching Pawn Stars and eat your pants and then slap your niece.
INSULIN AU GRATIN
1 insulin shot
15 lbs. block of cheddar cheese
Bury insulin shot in cheese. When you’re going into a diabetic coma, just eat your way to the shot!! Eat the cheese fast or you’ll die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 glass sparkling water
Put ham in water.
do british people have a special £ key on their keyboards
how do you hashtag ??????
hashtag is over by the enter key don’t you worry your lil butt
what… what do American keyboards look like then?
“Lilo and Stitch” 2002
Lilo plays a trick on the tourists.
IF YOU LIVED HERE YOU’D UNDERSTAND
I desperately need to understand
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY
Was this scene cut from the movie??!!
Fucking christ, do you know what this would have done? What this would have meant to SO MANY people?? The truth of this is devastating. And to think it almost found it’s way into a DISNEY film??
The inclusion of this scene alone would have made it the greatest animated feature the company ever produced. Easily. And if you think that’s hyperbolic clearly you don’t understand.
No, really, if anyone knows why this was cut PLEASE let me know.
oh man WHY WOULD they cut this, this is so great, holy MOLY
It was clearly something the crew was very reluctant to get rid of if it made it all the way to rough-clean (and in a few scenes clean!), fully inbetweened animation. That is like, thousands and thousands of dollars and weeks (months?!) of labour. Maybe a reluctant producer decided they would alienate their white middle-class American audiences by making them feel “too guilty” and pressed them to drop it? It’s unfortunate, it’s one of the most honest accounts of racism in a Disney movie (which is why it’s believable that someone got uncomfortable and made a case to get it chopped)
Designing entertainment by committee for maximum marketability is probably the most heartbreaking process in Hollywood.
I’ve been seeing this around my dash and think it deserves some more recognition!
This shit is hilarious, too.
NO WAIT SHIT
I GET IT NOW
I GET WHY SHE WAS PHOTOGRAPHING TOURISTS AS A HOBBY
SHE WAS BEING FUCKING SATIRICAL AND OBJECTIFYING
IT’S NOT BECAUSE SHE’S A DUMB KID WITH A WEIRD HOBBY IT’S BECAUSE THEY DO THAT TO HER AND HER FRIENDS AND FAMILY LIKE SHE’S SOME KIND OF FUCKING THEME PARK CHARACTER AND SHE WANTS THEM TO KNOW HOW IT FEELS
HOLY FUCKING DICKS DISNEY WHY WOULD YOU CUT THIS